How DO they learn?

Several years ago a friend recommended that I read The Way They Learn, by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. This book is subtitled "How to discover and teach to your child's strengths." I bought it and read it then, and even took notes (which I can't locate right now). I do remember gaining the insight that one of my daughters is much more like my husband than I had thought.

When I wasn't feeling well yesterday, I sent the family off to enjoy fireworks and spent my evening rereading this book. The book relies on the four learning styles identified by the research of Dr. Gregorc: Concrete Sequential (CS), Abstract Sequential (AS), Abstract Random (AR), and Concrete Random (CR). The premise is that each of us (more often than not) tends toward one of these categories, which identify how we take in information AND the way we use the information we perceive.

I was reminded that I believe the daughter I mentioned is a CR. Tobias notes that strong-willed individuals can be found in any of the learning styles, but that CRs ALL tend to be strong-willed. She contends that:

CRs do not automatically reject rules and regulations, but they do expect to have at least some input into how the rules are made and enforced. CRs have a nature that resists ultimatums. If you say "do this or else," CRs will most likely do "else." They may do it quietly, without fuss, but CRs know there is nothing they really have to do except die. Which, by the way, they are willing to do if necessary. Most other styles are not willing to perish over the small things, but CRs are.

This almost made me laugh out loud. This daughter, especially as a small child, really made us believe she would rather die than comply with certain "non-negotiable" rules, like bedtime. She certainly was not swayed by spankings or loss of special toys. Only when we allowed her a graceful way out (where she could meet our rule but have some small say about the circumstances) did the fierce battle suddenly subside.

Tobias provides an assessment of how CR individuals can do their best:

The Dominant Concrete Random usually thrives with inspiration, independence, compelling reasons, freedom to choose options, guidelines instead of rules, and opportunities for creative alternatives. The Dominant Concrete Random is often stressed by excessive restrictions and limitations, forced schedules or routines, not being appreciated as a unique individual, and not being given credit for knowing the right thing to do.

You can frequently lessen the stress by lightening up without letting up, backing off and not forcing the issue, helping the CR figure out what will inspire him, encouraging lots of ways to reach the same goal, and conveying love and acceptance no matter what.

My knee-jerk response to this is, "Well that's great, but life isn't always going to be like that. She's going to have to get used to following a rigid schedule, because that's how it is in many necessary parts of life."

But then, I step back and think of my husband. I totally see him in the first paragraph of the above description. I have seen his resentment of inappropriate rules and squelched creativity in many jobs he has held. I have seen him succeed greatly when these things are not present, both in situations of employment and in his own business. I have seen his dedication to rules and deadlines -- when they matter and the work needs to be done. And I have also seen how, on days when showing up at 8:00 doesn't matter, he uses his time creatively to come up with new ideas and product solutions.

If my daughter has the capacity for innovation and creativity that my husband has (something I lack), I want to encourage it. I just find it easier to relate to a more organized, analytical style. (Not that I always attain that goal myself, but I do tend to expect it of myself and my children.)

Now that my daughter is a bit older, I have found myself struggling against her lately in matters of schoolwork and chores. I have become more rigid -- and so has she in negative response. Certainly, some things (like mathematics) just have to be learned to receive a complete education -- whether or not you like them. And my approach has been, "Do this whether you like it or not." But before we begin the next school year, I need to spend some time thinking about how my requirements can be met while still giving her some freedom to choose how the goals can best be accomplished.

Certainly, some deadlines and requirements cannot be negotiable -- tests, final assignment due dates, etc. But I am wondering if I would free her spirit a bit by giving her more flexibility in when daily assignments get done. Or if I could encourage better quality work by linking number required (on subjects like Grammar and certain areas of Math) to number of correct answers. Or if it would help to get her input on how she'd best like to schedule the chores that are expected of her.

Food for thought. Any comments anyone?